forever changed
by bluegirl330817
Summary: mikan isn't that energetic, optimistic girl anymore, her smile isn't true. she isn't the same person now... and all this just because she got a sickness to carry with her, all through out her life. what'll the people closest to her react like?


A brunette was running towards her room, while small droplets of water came by her face and splits to the ground.

She opened her dorm and closed it firmly. She locked, as soon as she was safe from all intrigued eyes. Her knees felt weak. She slid her back to her door. She squatted in her room. Hurt, regret and anger was pushing through her emotions. Her head was pumping from all the hard crying she was doing.

Mikan's POV.

I can never be the girl I once was. I can never be the same as her. I was so full of energy. I was the kind of person who would jump up and down even if it was just my typical allowance being given to me. I was the kind of person who loved sports. Who loves running around like an idiot. To all of the people who can have this particular sickness, why does it have to be me?

I mean, this could've happened to Hotaru, since she never liked running and moving so much. Why me? I'm this girl who loves getting tired, Going up and down the stairs, playing various sports.

What did I do to deserve this? I can never be the person who everyone enjoyed being with, since I can't be me anymore.

Flashback----still Mikan's POV

I was practicing for a practical test on PE about taekwondo. I was with my group mates, and we were practicing basic white belt moves.

When suddenly my heart started hurting, then I had difficulties breathing.

"Can I take a break?" I asked our leader, which was permy.

"Why?" she said with authority in her voice.

I hesitated. I don't want her to know. So I said, "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, okay. Make it fast."

I went to the girl's bathroom and went to one of the cubicles. I locked the door quickly and leaned my back to corner of the cubicle. I clutched my heart. I couldn't breathe well. I was beginning to cry.

Mikan don't cry! You're going to make it harder for yourself to breathe.

Meanwhile---of course this isn't Mkan's POV anymore… she was inside the bathroom. She wouldn't know. Normal POV.

Shouda was still practicing with her group mates when Hotaru suddenly appeared and started to talk to perm.

"permy!, where's Mikan?" she quickly aimed her baka gun to sumire.

"woah! Sh-she's i-in-in the b-ba-bathroom."

"good." She put out her baka gun, and went directly to the bathroom.

"mikan?! Come out or else I'll hit you with a baka gun.

Mikan was currently sitting on the floor. When she heard Hotaru's demanding voice.

_Oh no! It's Hotaru she's going to found out and worse she's going to hit me with a baka gun. What'll I do? _

Mikan, with all her strength stand up to face Hotaru, she put on a smile and a cheery attitude.

She opened the door and faced Hotaru and said. "Hey! Hotaru! no need for the baka gun." She approached her gently.

"What's wrong with you? You're limping?" she said.

I looked down and saw that I was limping. I quickly tried not to limp but then my strength worn out. she was falling towards Hotaru while clutching her heart hard.

"Mikan, Mikan! What's wrong? Mikan!" I caught her on my arms before she hit the floor.

Hotaru's POV

I could feel that my face wasn't stoic anymore. I didn't care anymore. Mikan just lost her strength to just freaking stand up. My face was full of worry. I tried to hold back my tears.

"Hotaru?" she limply said.

"Mikan? What? What's wrong?" I was freaking panicking. I turned her around so that she could face me.

"ho---" she grunted, she was in pain…

"Okay, the next thing that will come out of your mouth is what is the matter with you. Okay?

She nodded slowly. Her mouth opened and said. "My heart hurts." I looked at her chest. She was clutching her heart out. She continued. "I can't breathe well."

"I'll take you to the hospital."

"n-"

"What do you mean no!? You're going straight there." I confirmed.

She sits down. I was surprised. And she said. "The pain is gone now." She turned her head to face me and smiled. She even knocked her own head.

My face returned to the same stoic face, relief that she's alright now.

"Even if you are alright now, you still need to go to the hospital or the clinic to have a check-up."

"mou, Hotaru. I'm not a child anymore." She pouted childishly.

"Then stop acting like one."

Mikan's POV.

She dialed something on her phone and put it up on her ear. She looked at my direction and put earmuffs on my ear.

I can't hear anything. I tried to remove it… it was useless. Then I saw Hotaru's mouth opening and closing while her phone was on her ear.

* * *

After a few seconds, she closed her phone and looked at me. She took out something that looked like a remote and pressed one of the buttons.

"Invention no. 985, monkey ear muffs." I tried to take off the "monkey ear muffs" and it did…I looked at the design, it was monkeys cool! I like monkeys. "The user wouldn't hear anything except for desired tune of the owner. With this portable remote you can download tunes into the monkey ear muffs and let it stick to the user's ear. Only the remote will have the power to break it loose. Fire proof, water proof, electric proof, animal proof and etc."

"Cool!" I said with pure amazement. But then my heart reacted again. I tried to pretend that it was nothing.

"Come on mikan, let's go outside." She said

Hotaru's POV.

Natsume should be here any second.

We walked outside the girls bathroom because there was no way that Natsume would enter that bathroom.

But just as I was getting a hold of the door, the door was burned to ashes. Natsume was just a few inches from entering the girl's bathroom when he saw us. It as then I was first corrected. He would really go into the girl's bathroom.

I looked at mikan she was surprised. Then she opened her mouth and said.

"Hi! Natsume! What are you doing here?" she asked excitedly.

Natsume shot me a death glare that says something like this… i-thought-her-heart-was-hurting-and-she-can't-breathe-why-she-like-this-then?!

And I replied with a death glare that meant she-is-she's-just-pretending-that-it-doesn't-hurt-cause-she-doesn't-want-to-go-to-the-hospital-so-carry-her-to-the-hospital-cause-obviously-she-won't-do-it-without-forcing-her.

Then he smirked.

End of flashback.

Mikan's POV.

The freaking doctor had to say it in front of them. He didn't have to. He could've just let them out and give me the freaking meds to freaking rheumatic fever.

Every time its PE and we could play sports till the last minute of the period, I can't. you know why? It's because of this sickness.

Over protective Hotaru and Natsume won't let me skip across the hallway. They won't let me scream or shout "good morning" to every one anymore. I won't get tired! And plus I've been doing this every morning. How could I possibly be tired of it! They won't even let me do simple exercises.

I kept crying and crying. I decided to stop crying. It's not going to do anything. So I decided to take a short bath and wash my face.

After the shower I got my special notebook and a pencil and started writing…

_Painful memories both in and out of my heart, sinks deeply in the depths of darkness. The pain of not being yourself for the rest of your life haunts my dreams and thoughts. Why do I always lose the most precious things? The never ending rain sings of sadness again I wander aimlessly in this town of sorrows even though the truth has no reason, they continue to torture people with the worst._

After writing a few more scribbles and doodles, I felt better. Closed my special notebook and pen and kept it in my secret and special place… in the bathroom counter at the very corner with detergents and toiletries in front to hide it.

I yawned and stretched my arms then went to bed…

-----after a few weeks-----

Mikan's POV

i was running through the corridor. i know i shouldn't run, but who cares?! nobody cares anymore. they've all kept away from me, avoiding me in each of every turn, cutting the conversation when i'm there. don't they know that what they're doing hurts?

i know i've changed a little okay, maybe a lot but they were the reason why i changed. don't they get it? it was their fault i had to be more mature and calm, so why would they do this to me? i thought they were my friends and they were suppose to be their when i need them. but why are they the ones causing me these heart aches and suffering.

if they want to tell me something, just tell it to me. i've grown very understanding of what you already made me to be. i'll understand, i really will. if it will fix this mess between us.

i don't know what to do anymore. instead to cry and write scrabbles in my special notebook, that would make me feel a little bit more relaxed. i'm all alone with no shoulder to lean on, no one to trust with my problems because thy're all gone. their lives past by mine. they have grown disliking me.

i'm not just saying these things. i can feel that there is something wrong and that there are problems between us.

i suddenly felt hot tears on my cheeks and stopped running and wiped my face with my jacket. but the flow of tears weren't going any where. it still kept on flowing and flowing and it just won't stop.

i ran to my favorite sakura tree. no one can dissturb me there, no one goes there. i san on the bark of the tree and looked up to they sky where the leaves and branches were covering the sunlight. i relaxed my back to the bark and there i bent my knees and hugged them tightly. i cried there like theres no tomorrow. i told the tree my problems and even though it didnt reply, i felt comforted. not like my friends, they never cared and always looked past me like i'm invisible. i sang songs to the tree and sometimes it sings with me too. with it's leaves rustling with eachother making beats. i liked the feeling of someone or something being there for me.

i stood up and went to my room because the classes were already done.

* * *

this is my second fanfic but my 1st oneshot... hehehe

it's not yet done though... i'll just keep renewing this chapter and adding more lines and scenarios... if that's okay with you though. just review about your comments and complaints, suggestions too. :)

i'm sorry about the out of characterness. hahaha. i know it's wrong to do that but please bear with me.

now, for a little endorcing... hehehe (smiles mischevously)

please read my first story... never will i make the same mistake. it is also a gakuen alice fanfic... for people who doesnt like OOC. cause i got a few reviews saying that they weren't OOC. so... tell me if you like it?

please leave a review... ^_^ please....? i really need to know what you think of the story. no holding back, okay? and please tell me what you think of th new mikan? i know she's kinda horrible at this story but tell me what made you dislike her... okay? please?


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